Here goes….sigh….bigger sigh…I am going to say something to you that has been bothering me for a long time……I AM FAT…….
FAT….Good Lord what a horrible three letter word for any Women to deal with. The dictionary describes the hated word as an adjective like this; having too much flabby tissue; corpulent; obese: a fat person. Corpulent????
I finally got the nerve to say it out loud. I have been thinking about doing this post a good long time but I was simply too scared and my ego was always in the way. I must be accountable and take the blame for my overeating that has caused my expanding gut and back side. Trying to tell myself that I had a reason for my binge eating with the death of my Mom and two brothers in a 10 month span in 2008 had been a good excuse or so I thought. As a Registered Nurse, I assessed my situation as a post traumatic reaction to a tragic series of events with depression combined with poor eating habits. The only thing that seemed to soothe me was to see how many carbs I could cram into my mouth. Bread, chips, cookies always seem to taste wonderful about 10 pm at night in front of the TV. Oh don’t forget the REAL COKE and SWEET TEA that it takes to wash it all down. Like many Women, I keep busy all day then at night I seriously could eat a tub of wall paper paste. Having the dreaded “muffin top” that plagues us peri menopausal middle aged Women has certainly been fun to deal with too. How many ways can you hide that double layer of fat right below your chest anyway? Trust me, I have tried. I bought a really cute bohemian empire top last fall and thought I was stylin until I caught a profile view of myself in the mirror~not pretty. My favorite GAP jeans have not been worn for a couple of years. They are part of my “one of these days” stash of clothes that I can’t part with. But guess what? One of these days is finally here. No more excuses, no more late night binging. I have to, NO I MUST take better care of myself and it starts by being HONEST and admitting my problem. It will be hard for me as I have ZERO WILLPOWER and I love food.
So Dear Blog Friends, I am asking for your support and help. Any ideas, guidance or tips would greatly be appreciated. I promise not to make it a boring diary of my weight loss goals but from time to time I will share with you how I am doing. Maybe if you are going through some of the same frustrating weight issues we can help each other too. After reading my sweet friend Tiffany’s post yesterday, it was the inspiration that I finally needed to let you know that I need help. So along with renovating the farmhouse, I will be renovating Carol. Please wish me luck.
*Step one: No More REAL COKE or SWEET TEA! My drink of choice is water with a slice of lemon in a pretty glass.
A rose for you Dear Blog Friends to start 2010 off with~
